The Dark Knight 2: Funco City
by StupidSequel
Summary: Batman takes advantage of a break from his vigilante duties because the Joker is too engrossed in his Rubik's cube. In the process, he learns how gratifying it is to make an old friend feel better about his physical appearance.


**The Dark Knight 2: Funco City**

Today, the Joker got a 4 by 4 Rubik's cube for Christmas and turned it randomly a few times, confuzzled as hell.

"I DO NOT KNOW HOW 2 SOLVE THIS DAM-NED THING!" he spat, and then threw random things and screamed like a 4 year old kid throwing a temper tantrum.

Meanwhile, Batman wondered why the Joker hadn't committed any criminal acts lately. He shrugged it off and assumed it wasn't important at all. He realized it meant that since there was virtually no crime now that the Joker was inactive, he could take a break from his vigilante duties and have some fun, and what better way to have fun than to go to a strip club just to pursue your lusty desires. Batman did just that. He was enjoying lap dances from Gotham City's hottest girls, until he saw a familiar face in a paper thin disguise: the unmistakable burnt face of Harvey Dent. In a blonde female wig, as a cheap attempt to try to cover up his masculinity.

"If you're gonna act sexy, AT LEAST LOOK PRESENTABLE," Batman yelled. Harvey winced.

"Okay, you know who I am. Amazingly, you're the first person who commented on the burned half of my face. Bravo," he clapped sarcastically.

Batman went to go to Hobby Lobby to get a piece of canvas and some apricot acrylic paint. He looked all over for staples and a stapler, but to his astonishment, he couldn't find a single store in Gotham City, not even the eponymous Staples, that had them. That was easy. No, it is not! I'm sorry, you evil store full of blatant lies! Seriously, nobody in Gotham City ever uses staples or staplers? Fine, better go settle for a hot glue gun. He was in luck. Toys R Us (sorry I misspelled it b/c the R is not backward) had one for eighty nine cents. Oh snap, he only had 45 cents on him! He then remembered the riddle that goes like 'What is the quickest way to double your money?' He instantly remembered the answer. He folded each and every one of his money units (yes, that includes those metal coins). Surely enough, he now had ninety cents because he 'doubled his money.' He traded all but one penny for his hot glue gun. _Now the next phase of my plan to help out an old friend._

Back to the strip joint he skipped gaily.

"Hold still," he ordered to Harvey as he applied the hot glue to the burned half of his face. The burned half of Harvey's face was even more burned now, providing even more motivation to glue the apricot colored canvas onto Harvey's face to hide his disfigurement, so there was the need to glue it on even harder, and there goes the vicious cycle of the man with the burned face. He cut nostrils and eye holes and a mouth hole so he could, need I explain? I'm sure humans are probably gonna be the ones reading this, so they can probably figure out the rest. If not, well, if you're not a human and you're reading this and you want to know, the holes are for breathing, eating, and seeing. Now Harvey Dent looked like someone who was not disfigured.

"Thank you Batman, even though my face HURTS LIKE HELL! AAAAGH!" Harvey Dent switched to calm mode in an instant and handed Batman a beer.

"You earned it for helping out an old friend." Batman was about to dismiss the offer, until he found, upon closer inspection, that it was not a can like he first thought, but a keg! He was ready to seize the moment, now that he did not have to be a vigilante any longer. He took off his shirt and costume and downed the whole keg. He whirled his shirt around horizontally above his head like a college frat boy. "Woooooo! Yeah! Drunk is awesome!"

He traveled drunk in his Batmobile to the news room to reveal his secret identity on camera.

"Everyone must know that I. AM. BATMAN!" He said in a bad-ass tone as he ran over a few people. He took off all his clothes off and pelted into the news room with said clothes severed from his body. He was in a drunken haze, speaking with slurred speech. So slurred, if he said the word 'cat' it might as well sound like 'brontosaurus.' While the news crew was reporting on a girl who got straight A's on her report card, Bruce Wayne burst in there, still drunk and completely in the nude. He strutted in front of the camera, making himself known to the world.

"ATTENTION EVERYONE! I AM BRUCE WAYNE, AND I AM BATMAN. YUP. BATMAN'S SECRET IDENTITY IS NO LONGER A SECRET NO LONGER, FOR BATMAN IS BRUCE WAYNE, I REPEAT, BATMAN IS BRUCE WAYNE." That whole segment aired, uncensored. Any children who were watching that were either screaming or seeing hand as parents covered their eyes. The Joker was among the large scale audience who saw that news segment. But he was too absorbed in his Rubik's cube to go after him or his loved ones.

"Rubik's cube is drivin me crazy gonna peel off all the stickers cuz I'm too stupid an lazy. I can't solve a single side, my brain is getting fried. Rubik's cube is drivin me crazy," the Joker sang.

Bruce Wayne found himself on the lam but thankfully he covered his whole body in a greasy substance so he could not get caught easily. You know how hard it is to hold onto soap for even a millisecond in the shower? Yeah. He then knew how he could hide from the police forever, but he had to make a quick stop at Macy's to get a red and white striped shirt and a matching winter hat. Sound familiar?

"From this moment on, I am no longer Batman. I am now Waldo," he said to thin air. The police could not find him anymore. Ah, the magic of 'Where's Waldo.' He had one last piece of business to finish up.

"Will you solve this cube for me? I am really frustrated," the Joker offered. Waldo took the Joker's cube and pretended to be trying to solve it.

"Do you mind? I am horribly self conscious," Waldo moaned. The Joker looked away, being the sensitive soul that he is. Waldo seized the moment and smashed the cube on the floor and deliberately put it back together in an unsolvable state. _That should keep him busy for the next million years_. He handed the Joker his cube back. "I'm sorry, I was unable to solve the cube. I'm sure there are great tutorials on the internet. Go search plz." The Joker got on a computer and read the 4 by 4 tutorial and tried to solve the cube at the same time. Just as Waldo was exiting the Joker's lair, he heard a loud explosion. He turned his head 180 degrees like an owl. The Joker's head was gone. That must have been the source of the explosion! Since the Joker was the only criminal in Gotham city, ever, the city was now 100000% safe. Waldo can live in peace now that no one has ever found him again! Wait, who am I writing about? Hang on. I am rereading this, yet all the instances of the word Waldo have disappeared! WTF? Where did they go? Well played, Waldo, well played. MLIA


End file.
